These are my 10 Commandments for Email. What are yours?

I’ve already ranted at length on why I think Inbox Zero is a giant waste of life. But, how would I make things better?

That’s easy! If I were queen for a day, these would be my rules for email:

1. Never reply saying, “sorry it’s taken me so long to reply.”

Unless it’s been a year, or two months, or some other horrific length of time, there is no need to apologise when you reply to an email. People who expect fast responses to email are insufferable. We are all busy; there is epic verse to compose and daffodils to admire. Anyone who expects a reply before the week is out should get on the phone and call, or send an email with a clear deadline in the subject header.

Besides, if you start with an excuse, the poor sod you are emailing has to read it, taking up even more time. The golden rule for email is: don’t be a time thief.

(NB. Apparently if you work in the West Wing, this attitude isn’t acceptable – they have to open emails instantly. But I bet they would be a lot more productive if they didn’t).

2. Turn off your productivity auto reply

Malcolm is really busy? He only checks emails twice a day? Good for him! But guess what, Malcolm? That’s your business, you don’t need to spam others with it, you’re just creating more email! Unless you work on an email-based helpdesk NO ONE should expect you to read email immediately.

In fact, if a team is simply checking emails, any decent boss, client or colleague will recognise the team is working inefficiently.

Now, OBVIOUSLY there are times when it’s ok to do set an auto-response like this, but unless you have put some serious thought into making it useful/funny/interesting a blanket auto response is actually just annoying.

3. Stop sending work emails on a Sunday

We teach people how to treat us. If you start a culture of weekend emails, you’ll find yourself thinking it’s ok to send emails whenever you feel like it (which is also why you shouldn’t apologise for not replying immediately).

When I was at Shiny Media the whole senior management and investors seemed to start some kind of Sunday night “look at me all work-focused” pissing contest. Receiving those emails and feeling obliged to reply was one of my main sources of stress and unhappiness. But that’s my fault for checking them and replying to them. Like I said, we teach people how to treat us.

I’m not 26 anymore. Now I don’t think people who email me on a Sunday are hardcore business people who think weekends are for wimps. I think,

Wow does this person not have anything better to do? They should probably reassess their priorities. Antiques Roadshow is on, for goodness’ sake, is nothing sacred?!

Imagine if instead of sending an email, you were actually showing up at someone’s house and poking them in the arm every time. You ring the doorbell, they answer, you poke them. Would that be ok? It would not.

Don’t poke people on a Sunday night.

Shut it off, go for a long walk, have a pint, eat a roast, watch Downton Abbey and do a shot anytime there’s a random two-minute scene in which the Dowager Countess walks up the stairs having opinions. That’s what Sunday is for.

Of course if you really want to, by all means work on a Sunday night. There’s no law against that in my world. If you’re happy and in flow, go for it. Just time your work emails to send on Monday morning and respect other people’s Downton Abbey downtime.

4. Stop cc’ing so many people

Why? Why do so many companies CC people on so many emails? Often it’s simple bum-covering, frequently it’s a passive-aggressive way of telling on someone: I’m now cc’ing in your manager to show that you are not being a good girl. Whatever the motive, it needs to be taken out back and put out of its misery.

If you invite 10 people to a meeting that lasts an hour that’s TEN HOURS of work time you’ve just used up. The same applies to email. Unless there’s a clear need to CC every single person, my new law states you must instead forward people a summary update email with an FYI after all the back-and-forthing has finished.

5. Give a summary

Don’t you just love it when someone starts copying you in half-way through a conversation? Or when someone forwards you something that just says, “see conversation below” so you have to scroll all the way down to the start of the email chain to work out what’s going on? No, you do not.

Assume the person you’ve just added to the chain is seeing this all for the first time (because they are) and write a precis to bring them up to speed. It will save you time in the long run and will help reduce the amount of cortisol pumping around your colleague’s body.

6. Write better headers

This one is a given, right? Make it easy to spot in a crowd, make it useful, make it informative, make it easy to search for, make it provocative. Give deadlines, information, anything useful that saves people time.

Whatever you do, don’t reply to an email with a subject header that’s unrelated to what you’re saying. It drives me potty (and of course I do it all the time, even the queen is fallible.)

7. Write better emails

After reading the excellent Roman-Raphaelson book Writing That Works; How to Communicate Effectively In Business,  I’ve changed how I write emails.

Here’s how an email should be structured:

Dear Zanjelicoco

Do you have any high res images of the event last night? Please can you send me a zip file?

Was so great to catch up with all of you last night. We HAVE to do it again before the end of the year!

x

Katie

PS Deadline is tight, sorry! Midday today.

This is instead of the emails we all usually send.

The emails we usually send hide the information within a wall of blather. Brits especially feel like we have to start with general chit-chat because we don’t like getting down to business without some of our world-renowned top bants first. So we end up with woolly emails that start vague, over-explain our reasons for needing stuff (who cares) and end without clear instructions.

Dear Zanjelicoco

Was so great to catch up with all of you last night. We HAVE to do it again before the end of the year!

Anyway, I’ve been asked by the boss to put together an album featuring all the highlights from the evening. Do you have any images you can share with me? Will need to be high res as we’ll be printing it.

I’ve been asked to turn it around really quickly so would be great if you could get back to me by midday today so I can get it ready before the end of the day.

Thanks!

Katie

Even worse are the emails sent by people who speak Corporate as a first language:

CC. three other people including the person’s boss.

Dear Zanjelicoco

Just reaching out to you to say what a brilliant evening it was last night! Was so lovely to reconnect and share all our learnings in such a meaningful way!

Just wanted to circle back on the conversation we had last night around putting together a highlights package. Andrea Bossface has asked me to connect with everyone from the evening to request a selection of images that really embody the spirit of the evening and convey the key takeaways from the night.

Could you package up your highlights and send me a zip file by the end of the day.

Thanks

Kate Corporatespeak

8. Stop filing shit

Most email is dross. You don’t need it.

Don’t waste time moving things from your inbox into its own special folder, your time is worth more than that. If a person can’t be bothered to write a clear subject header that makes it easy to find their email deserves to be lost in the quagmire. And anyway, that’s what the search function is for.

I’ve tried countless Inbox Zero techniques over the years, but giving up being stressed about it has been the single most effective productivity hack.

I now find autofilters, tags/categories and (shock, horror) marking things as unread work just fine. I don’t use email as a to do list. Filing something in a folder marked “To Action” DOES NOT WORK (for me anyway). I NEVER look at that folder again. I must as well throw it in a giant hole marked “Huh?”

(See Inbox Zero is a giant waste of life for more rants of this nature)

9. Follow up your emails

Didn’t get a reply to your email? Don’t sit and moan about it. If it’s that important, send the person a friendly reminder. Over the years, the people I am most likely to employ are always the people who follow up on emails they’ve sent me. And the people I pretty much always employ, are the ones who continue to follow up and eventually pester me into submission. I like those people: they’ve got grit

10. Use a phone – or your LEGS!

How many words a minute can you type? How many can you speak?

It’s quicker and easier to give someone a tinkle than it is to compose an email.

Even better, walk over to their desk, as you do look into the middle distance for the first time in hours, get some blood in your muscles.

I’m as introverted as the next internet writer. Wherever I am, I’d ALWAYS rather be at home reading a book. But even I can’t deny that speaking to a human using my voice is more efficient, more pleasant and less likely to get me in trouble than tapping away at a keyboard.

Even if you’re a millennial, there’s really no excuse for not picking up the phone if your email starts to run longer than five paragraphs.

Try it! You might like it!

NB I have broken every one of these rules – I’m a Queen not a frickin Saint.

So that’s it. Those are my 10 Commandments for Email if I were running the show. Clearly I’m a bit unhinged, but I like to think some of you are too. What are the email mores that get you frothing? Share them with me, I need to know! Get it off your chest and we’ll all feel better.

Liked this? You might also like my free ecourse for women returning to work after maternity leave. Check it out! it’s free and it’s funny! 

You might also like the LEAP podcast, which I host. Check it out!