Dork Review: Sleep on your problems with Pzizz for iPhone

Pzizz

Before we get into what Pzizz is, let’s say the name a few times. Pzizz. Puh-zizz. Puh-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIZZZZZZZZZZZ. Isn’t that brilliant? I sound like a blender.

So what is Pzizz? Well, it’s basically power napping software – it’s been around for a while but now it’s available for your iPhone and iPod Touch (£1.79, here). Sadly, this doesn’t mean that with a touch of your fingertip an arm will shoot out of your device, paint some fake eyes on your eyelids and generate a boss-convincing rendition of keyboard tapping while you snooze in your swivel chair.

No, Pzizz uses psychology. It generates audio tracks that, like guided meditation CDs, soothe you into sleep with a mix of music, ambient sounds and commentary.

But, unlike CDs,

  • It’s, um, not a CD
  • You can control the length of your nap
  • You can choose whether to add a voiceover
  • You can choose that the voiceover fades out for the middle part of your nap
  • Each track is uniquely generated so your subconscious doesn’t get used to it and start needling you about your shopping list/unpaid bills/funny mole/irrational fears about lizard world domination

The makers of Pzizz claim that a 20 minute daily Pzizz nap can help improve your

  • Sleep
  • Creativity and concentration
  • Stress headaches
  • General health and energy
  • Complexion and skin conditions

And, bizarrely yet aptly, “increased tolerance for difficult situations and people”.

But these claims aren’t spurious – the Pzizz peeps (pzeeps?) use the Derren Browny brain magic that is Neuro Linguistic Programming, sound effects and binaural beats (a quick Google search tells me that “binaural” means “relating to or having or hearing with two ears”, so, erm…) to influence your mind into a relaxed state where you’re open to positive messages. And the binaural beats align with your brain wave patterns to enhance this state.

There are numerous case studies (not to mention fans) testifying to Pzizz’s effectiveness – and with even NASA claiming that “an afternoon nap increases productivity by 35% and decision-making ability by up to 50%“, I thought I’d risk the dark side of brain wizardry (no one to date has actually disproved my theory that the NLP messages switch once you’re relaxed to messages telling you to buy Apple, or that you’re a chicken) to see if I could up my own game.

Pzizz was initially developed as a sleep aid for insomniacs, but it’s actually been shown to increase energy levels. Although inherently lazy, I’m not actually terribly good at relaxing, and frequently find myself stressed out by innocuous things like puddles or Strictly Come Dancing, so all this week I shall be road-testing Pzizz Relax for iPhone (one twenty minute nap per day) and reporting my findings here the next day.

Yes, that is right. I will be NAPPING for you.

Unless of course I’m down the Apple store, clucking discontentedly.

You can keep track of my daily updates here.

And you can try a free demo of Pzizz here.

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